Sandman
by Dhampir72
Summary: At night, everybody dreams. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. The members of the Black Order are no exception, only their dreams are some of the darkest imaginable, shattered by the nightmares that the Sandman brings. Nightmarefic. Ch 7: Miranda's nightmare.
1. Allen Walker

**Author's Note**: So, I really should be working on my other stories but…I couldn't help it…I'm so glad none of you know where I live…

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

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Chapter 1: Allen Walker

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_Say your prayers, little one  
Don't forget, my son,  
To include everyone.  
_

_  
Tuck you in, warm within  
Keep you free from sin,  
Till the sandman he comes…_

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When Mana was alive, he would tell me stories to help me go to sleep. I never had an adult tell me so many wonderful tales before, so it was something I always looked forward to. It was the sound of his warm, safe voice that lulled me into unconsciousness without fail. His voice kept the memories from returning to me, of the days when I was alone and cold, shivering and starving in the dirty alleyways of a dark city. His voice kept the demons away too; their hatred and anger could not touch me in my safe bed with Mana's voice beside me.

Every night, no matter where we would be, Mana would tell me a bedtime story. He would make me say my prayers before I did so and I would kneel by the bed and pray for him and for me and for all the other people we knew or had met. Then Mana would tuck me into bed, nice and warm and safe and tell me so many stories…

My favorite one was about the Sandman. He was the one who controlled time and dreams, the one who brought you sleep at night. It was amazing how Mana told me of the Sands of Time and the giant Hourglass that each grain slipped through. He was a good storyteller.

I miss that.

The dreams in those days were always bright and happy, so warm and colorful, because my life had been so wonderfully changed by Mana's loving presence in my life. But now…now they had changed again, but this time, for the worst. I suppose that was obvious, what with all the things that had _happened_ since then.

Every night became something that I dreaded. Something that made me wish for those innocent nights again. The dreams were always dark, a shade tainted with crimson. Eyes watching me, hundreds of eyes…I could hear voices talking to me, whispering in the black nothingness of my head. It was better than the screaming that always came later…

I dreamed a lot of Mana. It was scary how his face turned from such a warm and caring one to cold, cruel steel with long jagged teeth and ruthless eyes. His voice was different too, colored with pain and hate. The pain was what I brought him in my grief by calling him back to Earth. The hatred was the result of the pain. That once loving tenor to my young ears became a screech of curses. I think that hurt me more than the pain of the curse inflicted upon me.

Even more so when my Innocence activated and dragged me along the rough ground toward the man I called father. I tried to stop it then and every night following, I tried to stop it again. And again and again and again. But to no avail. It was imprinted upon my memory: the way Mana's twisted, skeletal frame lay broken on the ground, the way I cried for him to run away, his whispered last words before my claws sank into his body and killed him.

"_Allen, my son…please…destroy me…"_

I never thought it could get worse than that. And then I went to the Black Order to become an Exorcist.

The dreams became even worse.

**pqpq**

_Bodies, bodies, bodies everywhere. No one is moving. Why is no one moving? Oh, God, oh God, why could you let this happen? Everyone isn't moving. They aren't moving and they're painted red and their chests are still and the snow is crimson and why, why, why am I the only one still standing?_

Lenalee is nearby. Her hair is splayed out around her like something soft and delicate and her face is perfect, almost as if she is sleeping and not lying out in the cold snow covered in blood. Her boots are gone, her legs bloody, staining the snow beneath her. I run to her and kneel beside her, shaking her unmoving shoulders.

_Lenalee, Lenalee, Lenalee! Why won't you wake up? You're just sleeping! It's time to wake up now or else you're going to get sick from being out in the snow too long. Komui will get mad if his favorite little sister got a cold from this. C'mon, Lenalee, all you have to do is open your eyes and smile at me and tell me everything's going to be okay and that you're fine…_

Kanda is beside her. The way his body is positioned it looks like he was trying to protect Lenalee from whatever it was that was coming at them. He looks just as peaceful and there are no lines on his face from where it is always turned down in a scowl. He looks younger, younger than he should. A young soldier. Mugen is broken. A young, broken soldier.

_Kanda, Kanda, Kanda. Yuu-chan, whatever! Wake up! Wake up and hit me upside the head with your Mugen and call me "Beansprout" and then get mad and walk away. Wake up, Kanda, and I'll let you get ahead of me at the cafeteria so you can get your Soba first thing. You'd like that, wouldn't you? And if you don't wake up then Lavi's going to come over here and annoy you…_

The redhead is near to Kanda. Lavi is on his side as if he had fallen that way and could not get up again. His hair matches the snow. That headband is soaked through with blood. His hands are blistered and bleeding, clutching the handle of his hammer. It is broken too, just like Mugen. A trickle of vermillion remains in a perfect line from his marble lips.

_Lavi! Lavi, Lavi! Wake up! What's wrong with you? You know that if you don't get up and get moving soon, Bookman's going to come and yell at you because you didn't finish your work on time. You need to get up! C'mon, Lavi. C'mon…I'll even go to the library with you and sit around while you work. I know you like having the company… _

The rest are scattered around me; twisted, grotesque forms of my friends. Krory, Miranda, Marie, Komui, Reever, Johnny, even the fallen form of what looks like my master…

_Why won't you all get up? Why are you all not moving? Get up! Please get up! You can't leave! You can't be gone! We have work to do! You can't just leave the war behind! You can't leave all those innocent people out there to die! You can't leave the Innocence unprotected!_

I stand there. No one answers. It's cold and smells like blood and sadness. I sink to the snow.

"You can't leave _me_."

**pqpq**

Then I wake up. It's morning and the sunlight is pouring in through the windows. I stay in bed for the longest time and hope that it was all just a nightmare, tears falling down my cheeks unchecked. Then I can hear the sound of voices: Lavi trying the patience of Kanda and Lenalee keeping the Japanese swordsman in line with her clipboard and Komui's crying over it all that his little sister was spending too much time with boys who wanted bad things. The sound of yet another Komurin reaches my ears along with the shrieks from the science department as they try to get their supervisor under control.

It was all just a dream. I wipe the tears from my eyes and sit up to look out the window. It was all just a dream.

Until I fall asleep and make it real again.

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So there you go! Chapter One of about…seven, I think. I'm not quite sure yet, haha. See, this story sprang to life because of countless hours spent playing Rockband with my friend. We had to play the song Enter Sandman by Metallica about twenty times during our tour, so it kind of got stuck in my head. So after listening to it for a million times on iTunes, I decided to write a fic based off the song. Yaaaay! More time spent not doing things I should be doing!

But I really like this so far. I'm a sort of angst-driven individual, so this is fun for me. Allen's chapter was sort of contrived I think, because we all know that if he had nightmares, it'd be about Mana and about his friends' deaths. But all in all, I do think it came out quite nicely. I even used different tenses to make people like myself freak out a little.

Anyway, enough ranting! I have almost the **entire story** finished! **If you liked this**, please drop me a **review **so I know to continue. If not…well…I might just pitch it with a bunch of my other ideas!

**Dhampir72**


	2. Arystar Krory

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

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Chapter 2: Arystar Krory

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_Sleep with one eye open,  
Gripping your pillow tight…_

_Exit light  
Enter night  
Take my hand;  
Off to Never Never land_

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Eliade was my life. She was so beautiful and perfect. She loved me and wanted me and accepted me no matter what I looked like or where I lived or _how_ I lived or _what_ I was. Eliade knew me: my wants, my dreams, my fantasies. She knew them all. She was perfect. I loved her.

I love her.

**pqpq**

"Arystar!" she calls, in that sweet tenor of hers.

"Yes, Eliade?" I answer, tearing my gaze from the houses in the town below.

She enters the room wearing a lovely garment of lilac. It shows her perfect curves, her rounded breasts. Her hair is in two low ponytails. Those slender legs are adorned with stockings. Beautiful.

"I take it you like it then?" Eliade says, when I have taken too long in admiring without saying a word.

"Yes," I say, and blush, because it feels strangely forbidden. "Yes, I like it very much."

She smiles a perfect smile. Her lips are just the right color pink and her hair just the right color gold. I wonder briefly what it would be like to kiss those lips and run my fingers through her hair. Certainly it would feel lovely, because her lips look soft and her hair appears silky. But she wouldn't want that. No one would want that. No one would want _me_ like that.

"Arystar…" she breathes, suddenly too close to me for comfort.

I become hot in my face and somewhere below the navel. It is bad I am reacting like this and try to take control of myself.

"Yes, Eliade…?" I reply.

Then suddenly she is on top of me, her lithe body against mine. Her lips are as soft as they look and her hair is just as silky. I don't understand this feeling inside of me. There are so many swirling around that it is difficult to describe. I _want_ her. But I'm not sure how I want her. Perhaps in my bed, perhaps now, perhaps only the smooth curve of her neck where it meets the shoulder where I can hear her blood pumping madly...

"Arystar, Arystar…" Eliade whispers against my throat, undoing my coat, her fingers reaching inside.

They are cool, smooth, and wonderful over my chest and stomach. My brain is in overdrive and I am unsure of how to respond. She feels good, her lips on my jaw, her strong legs straddling my hips…

_Want_.

She pulls slightly away from me and then she isn't my Eliade anymore. Her face isn't right; twisted and disfigured into something awful, her eyes are glowing with murderous intent.

"Arystar…" she purrs, lovingly despite her appearance.

Her voice is wrong, her body disproportioned. My hands are not under my volition, pinned next to my head beside me by strong bonds.

"Eliade…?" I ask, for where did she go, my darling angel?

"I am Eliade," she answers, a tongue appearing from her robotic face.

It licks my cheek and I shudder. I am repulsed. She isn't human. But then again, what am I?

"Eliade…what happened…to you?" I inquire.

Her face, so inhuman and now ugly, looks sad. As if she might cry, she rests her strangely formed forehead against my shoulder. The pentacle on her brow burns hot against me. She feels heavier, as if she is made of more than just human bone and blood. Steel.

"This is me…the real me…" she answers, as if she is tired. "Arystar…do you still love me?"

That question, so sad and so wanting from such an inhuman creature moves me.

"Yes. I could never stop loving you, Eliade," I answer, honestly, truthfully.

"Arystar…" she sighs happily against me.

My bonds are released and she's back to that human looking shell she wears with the beautiful lips and hair and eyes and the body that presses in want against mine.

"But because I love you, I have to kill you," I say.

Her eyes widen, but she does nothing to stop me from what I am about to do.

"It's the only way you can be free," I finish, my breath ghosting across her smooth, pale flesh.

Eliade's face is in shock when my teeth sink into her neck. I begin to suck the blood out of her and it's like I can hear my heartbeat and hers inside my ears. Hers begins to slow down as mine speeds up.

"I know…" she says while I am killing her. "I know…and that's why…I can't hate you…Arystar…"

Her heartbeat is almost non-existent.

"I…love…you…"

She breathes her last words and disappears into dust.

**pqpq**

I wake the next morning to a dull light filtering in through the curtains. Tears stain my face and pillow. I feel bad I'm always crying.

The dream shouldn't make me cry, it should make me happy. But it does make me sad. I killed her. I am the reason she no longer exists. I loved her, I love her. I can't decide which is the truth as of this moment in time.

I get dressed and get ready to go downstairs. I can hear the sounds of people going about their day and try to make myself look happy and unbothered. Lavi and Allen don't like it when I look down or sad and I don't want them to worry about me. I will be fine, I tell myself, because I know I will be.

I try to put her voice out of my mind. The one that haunts me constantly.

_I know, and that's why…I can't hate you, Arystar._

I loved her, I love her. Which is true? I'm not sure.

The guilt will keep bringing me back to her until I know.

**pqpq**

Another chapter finished! Yay, Krory, yay. I love his character, but fail so badly at writing him. I wasn't quite sure what could truly haunt him besides Eliade and I'm still torn over the fact if this is really a nightmare or not... I justify that it is, because of the conflicting emotions that Krory has for her when he thinks of Eliade as the human/akuma he loves. The love they share is tragic and sad just as it is impossible, which makes for good reading/writing material.

Not much else to say. Yuu Kanda's nightmare in the next chapter. Bound to be interesting, I'll say…In the meantime, if you liked this, let me know with a **review** and I'll get the next chapter up ASAP.

**Dhampir72**


	3. Yuu Kanda

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

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Chapter Three: Yuu Kanda

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_Something's wrong, shut the light  
Heavy thoughts tonight,  
And they aren't of Snow White…_

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Fairy tales are stupid. They always have been. I hate them because they're too unrealistic and then always end up too happy in the end. Real stories don't always have happy endings. If they do, you're lucky, but who really gives a fuck about those? They aren't real anyway.

The one that has to be the most stupid of them all is that one about the Beast and the Beauty. Who cares about some prince who got himself cursed and then locked himself up in his castle because he was so ugly? All he did was mope around and look over his flower, the special one that he kept in a glass case. It was his life. And when the last petal fell, he would be cursed for forever. Love from Beauty saved him and made him human again.

What garbage.

Almost as garbage as the tale of Snow White, who ate a poisoned apple and fell into a deep sleep, only to awaken at "true love's first kiss". At least in that one, the man wasn't a hopeless pansy.

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I hate him. I hate him so much. Why does he keep _doing_ this anyway?

I'm chained to the bed, not gently either. My wrists are stinging and bleeding, my ankles rubbed raw. He's standing over me with that grin on his face like he's the best damned thing in the whole damned world.

"You like that, don't you? Yuu, you're such a slut," he says, gripping my hair painfully.

I don't make a sound. I will not let him win. I will not break.

"Don't make that face," he says, leaning over to kiss me.

His lips are hard, pressing. _Awful_. I hate them on me. I hate what he's doing. I don't want to tell him to stop because it would admit defeat. So I bite him. Hard. I taste blood and he pulls away, angry.

"You fucking bitch," he says, and slaps me.

The blow isn't that bad. It might be just because seeing his lip bleeding gives me a spark of defiance. I almost grin in triumph, but do not do it. There's a whip on the table and I know what it can do. The bleeding slashes on my back attest to that.

"You really like it rough, don't you?" he asks, getting on top of me.

He drags his nails down over my chest, over the slightly raised symbol. I don't hiss when the skin breaks and smarts. He grins because he thinks he's winning. And not moving from on top of me, he leans over to grab a cigarette. Lighting it, he takes a drag. I don't move because the chains keep me still and his legs are like steel bars on either side of me.

"Like it rough…" he repeats, blowing out some smoke in my face.

I don't turn away and try to keep my eyes from tearing up. He keeps looking at me on the inhale and then at the cigarette on the exhale. Then he smirks and before I know it, he's pressing the still lit cigarette into my flesh. It burns and the skin starts to smoke and blister. I don't let my facial expression change.

He doesn't like that and repeats the gesture over and over again until my chest and arms are covered in burned circles. Then the real torture begins.

I'm unprepared and he enters me. The pain is searing as he tears me apart from the inside out. I don't make a sound, but I grit my teeth against the lightning bolts of agony that course through me. He thrusts in and out, gripping at me, pulling my hair, biting my neck and shoulder until I'm bleeding there and on my chest and on my back and probably _down there_ too. My cock remains limp against my stomach. I get no pleasure from rape no matter what anyone might think.

When he gets closer to climax, a pillow is put over my head. This is the only time I struggle. I can handle pain and torture, but asphyxiation is something different. Finally I feel him finish inside me and the pillow doesn't have such a force bearing down on my airways so that I can breathe again.

He falls next to me, breathing heavily. He laughs.

"Oh, Yuu. I know you're just playing hard to get," he says, wrapping my hair around his fingers in a less-than gentle grip.

"I hate you," I say.

"Of course you do," he answers, sitting up next to me.

He won't let me go yet. Not for a while. It is part of my humiliation at his hands.

"I won't die. Not until I kill you," I promise.

"I look forward to that day," he says, grinning as he lights another cigarette.

That makes me angry. I will kill him and he looks forward to it?

"I will kill you," I say again.

He touches my chest and traces the pattern of the raised symbol there.

"I doubt you'll live that long," he says and laughs.

That laughter rings in my ears even after he leaves.

**pqpq**

Morning comes all too early and I blink the sun from my eyes before angrily turning away from it. The hate is still inside me. _That person_ will die by my hands, I vow to myself. The best way to start each and every morning.

My chest tingles where the mark is on my chest. I touch it as I move to sit in the corner, Mugen across my lap. I watch the Lotus inside its prison. There are petals already at the bottom that have fallen and they are shriveled and dead. The rest of the Lotus remains suspended in the center, one of the few remaining petals looking dangerously close to falling.

That stupid redhead is at the door, knocking too early in the morning for my tastes. But he knows I am awake and won't leave until I come out. Shrugging on my coat, I take one last glance at the Lotus before covering its jar with a silk sheet. _Secret_. Then I open the door and am met with Lavi's smiling face. I don't admit to myself that I am relieved for this distraction.

"Tch, idiot," I mutter, walking out of my room and closing the door behind me.

Fairy tales aren't real anyway. No one ever gets saved and lives happily ever after. All stupid with false endings.

_Garbage_.

**pqpq**

There's Yuu for everyone. He's super fun to write, although I never write him how I think he should be portrayed. I think it's just because I don't get his character that much. I like him in pairings, but as a –centric character, I'm not quite sure what to do with him.

I took this chapter based off the second D. Gray-Man graphic novel, where Kanda is going on about how he can't die because he has to meet _that person_ again. So I made _that person_ into an evil character, because Kanda didn't seem to have a very high opinion of said person. Almost like he wanted to kill them, but then again, who doesn't he want to kill?

Also, the deal with the Lotus and tattoo: we all know that the tattoo exists in both the anime and the manga, but the Lotus is only really seen in the anime. But actually, upon just breezing through volume nine of D. Gray-Man, when the bonus pages show the Exorcists' rooms, you actually see the Lotus in on Kanda's bedside table. So, it is a semi-important plot point, as far as I'm concerned.

So there you go. Kanda's chapter is done, Lavi up next. Liked it, hated it? Let me know with a **review** and I'll get that next chapter up for you in a jiffy.

**Dhampir72**


	4. Lavi

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

**SPOILER WARNING: **The following chapter references past chapter 122 in the manga. Just as a warning for those of you who may not have read that far.

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Chapter 4: Lavi

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…_Dreams of war, dreams of liars,  
Dreams of dragon's fire,  
And of things that will bite…_

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I'm not going to pretend that I don't have nightmares. Nightmares are inevitable, not only in an Exorcist's line of work, but also in what I do. My "other" job, as some would call it, with curiosity coloring their tones. Being a Bookman isn't all what it seems. It isn't all just reading books and writing records. It's about much more than just that. A person loses a lot more than what people might think.

I've been forty-eight other people before I became Lavi, the Exorcist and Bookman Junior. I've been to almost every country on the European, African, and Asian continents. I know almost every language spoken in these places. I've had their names, their dialects, everything. I've been them.

_How easy_, everyone might think._ It's_ _just like playing a pretend game. Or being on stage in a drama. _It's not. Every single person I was became a part of me and then was discarded. Terminated. Lost. Never to be recorded.

It's _lonely_.

It's easy to hide this when I'm awake. Bookman made sure that I was a master of the art of deceit. I could lie straight to a person's face and never give anything away. It's so simple. All I have to do is smile and crack a joke, go bother Yuu-chan, make fun of Allen, flirt with Lenalee, tease Krory…but at night…well…

Night is a different story.

**pqpq**

It is nighttime. It is always nighttime. I see everything again; every war, every death, every rape. Men, women, children all die screaming. Nature is destroyed; I can almost hear the ground and trees and the animals shrieking in agony as they die too. Everything is on fire. It's always on fire. The smells are awful, the red and orange light so bright against the night sky. It hurts to look at. My hands burn, as if I'm responsible. _I am, though._ I'm holding my log and writing about it while it happens. While people are burned alive or tortured or weeping, I write about it. It's only when the screams have died down and the fire is the only thing moving that I realize I have no ink. I'm just kneeling down on the ground in a sea of blood. Dip the tip into the liquid and write. _Just keep writing, writing, writing_, _ignore the blank stares of the bodies, don't think about the flames and just keep writing_. My hands burn…

_It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter_. It never matters because they're just ink on paper. Blood on paper. It drips down the parchment and smears the words. _Drip, drip, drip_…It's so red. It's their blood. It doesn't matter to me, because I just watched and wrote it down. I'm just a bystander. _Always a bystander_. Always a bystander like it is always night and everything is always on fire.

It disappears around me. Night again. Maybe not night, but somewhere dark. A deep, underground cavern, on a boat gliding over black water. The lantern on the helm doesn't swing, only casts its eerie light on the walls and water. It's still black, though, and the walls are grimy and dirty. I grip my record book. It doesn't matter about anything around me because my book and quill are all I need. _Always_.

Bookman is with me, glowering at me, barking at me to remember my new name._ Lavi. Lavi, Lavi _is my new name. It is a lion's name. A fierce, unforgiving name. Powerful. I don't feel powerful. My hands are chained to my book. _So heavy.._. The quill and ink are heavy too. But I know that if I look the ink isn't black, it's red, so I don't look, just clutch my log tighter. It is all I need.

_Lavi, Lavi, Lavi, remember that name_. I have to remember it. _Always remember_. Always remember everything. _Write it down_, write it down so you don't forget, _maybe later_. I don't want to look at the ink right now.

The boat stops on the black water, like we hit something. Suddenly, coffins upon coffins appear, stacking up from everywhere. There's no water anymore, just a sea of caskets. All brown wood, but still formidable. Everywhere. They just keep coming. So many coffins, all containing bodies. They open, _don't open_, but they do.

The one nearest me opens to show a familiar face, eyes open. Her face is pale as snow, her hair black as night. Her long legs are bandaged. She looks frail and sad. I know her. I know her, the one I remember seeing so long ago, so beautiful crying for the lost ones who died. _Lenalee. Lenalee_! I drop the book and rush to her. It doesn't matter so much anymore.

_Am I still in this world? _She asks.

Her face turns into something else and she isn't Lenalee anymore. Is she? _Lenalee, Lenalee_? No, it has to be her. My book is lost and I can't get it back. I need her now and if she isn't Lenalee then what will happen to the one known as Lavi? Will he disappear? Why do I care? _Where is the book, where is Lenalee_, which should I look for?

She has a knife, but I don't flinch. No, she's the Lenalee I know. I trust her. _Exorcist. Comrade. Lenalee._

_Friend._

The other coffins open. More faces I know, all disfigured, coming at me. Calling my name. _Lavi, Lavi, Lavi_. They are accusing. I don't know why. Do I want to go back to them? Do I really? Their voices hurt. I want my book back. But I don't. I don't want to pick up that too-heavy quill again and write with the ink that isn't right. No. I don't want to go back. But they frighten me too. _Who am I_? Lavi? _Who are they_? Comrades?

They come at me still, I cannot run. I should not run. _My comrades. My comrades_. _Friends_.

_Lavi_?

I turn. Allen is standing there; he holds a card in his hand. The Ace of Spades. I know that card. That card is all that was left of Allen when I thought him to be gone. I remember because I mourned. Lavi mourned for him. Lavi cried for him. Lavi could not pick up the heavy quill and stone book to write in blood the death of Allen Walker.

_You held on to this for me_.

_Yes, yes, yes I did_. Allen. Allen Walker. _Comrade_. _Friend_.

His face disappears and he falls. I stand there staring, horrified at myself. The other me grins in triumph as Allen lies half in and half out of black water, his face gone, his face is gone, _oh god, what happened and how could I do this? How could he do this? Lavi wouldn't have done that. Lavi would never do that. That is Lavi's friend! That is Allen! Comrade! Friend! Lavi's friend! MY friend!_

He grins at me, the mirror me. He tries to talk to me but I cannot listen._ No, no, no, no, no…_ I cannot listen to lies. I cannot pick up that book and quill again. I will not write in blood anymore. The people around me are not just ink on paper. They are comrades. _Comrades._ _Friends. Family. I cannot do it. I will not do it. Never again_.

There will be no fiftieth me. I will not allow it. A dagger is in my hands, heavy, but not as heavy as the quill and the book. It is freedom. It is a new life. I plunge it into my chest and for once my own blood spills. My own blood. _So red_. So red, just like the others, I'm not different at all. It will not be ink. It is me and only me.

_I am Lavi_.

I will not let myself be erased.

**pqpq**

Morning comes. Just like always after the night. I'm on my side staring at the wall and desk. It is covered in papers. Newspapers, documents, logs. The dream is still with me and I find that I do not want to read them ever again. My hands still burn as if they have committed a sin. I think it's because they have.

It is too early for me to be up, but I dress anyway. Bookman to Exorcist. Lavi. _I am Lavi_, I tell myself, straightening my clothes and headband. I adjust the eye patch a little neater as well. _Smile_ I tell myself. It comes easy, despite my conflicted thoughts. _Smile_. I do.

I walk out of the room. No need to be quiet out in the hallways and I wander for a long time looking at the walls and the floor and everything but my feet. _Who am I_? Lavi. _Yes_. _I am Lavi_. I knock on a door without realizing it and wait. Yuu appears. _Comrade_. He comes with me and we walk. We don't need to talk. _Comrades_. _Friends_.

I am Lavi. I am an Exorcist. I am a Bookman. My hands burn and my heart feels heavy. But Yuu is beside me. _Comrade_. Lenalee is up ahead. _Comrade_. Krory is sleeping somewhere in the building, as well as Allen. _Comrades. Friends. Family_.

_I am Lavi_.

And I will _not_ allow myself to be erased.

**pqpq**

Sweet action, fourth chapter done. I really enjoy messing with Lavi's character, because he's so conflicted. I lurves him, which is why his chapter is kind of long-ish. This is based off the scene when Lavi is stuck inside of Rhode's world around chapters 122 and whatnot. I thought it came out rather nicely, if I do say so myself.

Tell me what **you** think, drop me a **review** and you'll get yourself a nice new chapter soon. Please? Komui up next…!

**Dhampir72**


	5. Komui Lee

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

**CULTURAL NOTE:** In this chapter, Komui refers to Lenalee as his _mei mei_ which is Chinese for "sister/little sister". In return, Lenalee calls Komui her _gei gei_ which is "brother" in Chinese. Also, Komui's English is slightly strange in his dream sequence **on purpose** because it is most likely that he spoke Chinese as a first language with some knowledge of English. It wasn't until he went to the Black Order that he became more fluent. In this story, anyway.

Carry on and enjoy!

**pqpq**

Chapter 5: Komui Lee

**pqpq**

_Sleep with one eye open,  
Gripping your pillow tight…_

_Exit light  
Enter night  
Take my hand;  
Off to Never Never land_

**pqpq**

People think I'm crazy. Well, I sort of am crazy, when I think about it. I could be a lot worse. At least I'm harmless, most of the time.

I consider my craziness to be something that's just a part of my personality. I'm a happy crazy. I'm happy because of where I am in life. Everyday, I get to see my little sister. I'm so glad. It could have been a lot worse. Just like my craziness could be a lot worse.

Sister complex, they say. Yes, I have one. I won't deny it. But after what happened to us, could you blame me for being a little overprotective? I love her because she is that shining light in my world. Even in the middle of this war, this hopeless seeming war that keeps dragging on and on, forcing me to keep sending more and more people to their deaths…she is my beacon of hope. My sunshine. My Lenalee.

Sister complex or not, I would do anything for her. I will do anything for her.

I _have_ done everything for her.

**pqpq**

It is a rainy day in Xizang, where my young sister and I live. Mother and father do not live here anymore. They have died too long ago. I mourn properly for them and wear black and take care of their grave. Lenalee comes with me to sweep their headstone and bring offerings to them. They like sweet dumplings. Lenalee likes making them too, so it is all worked out in the universe.

But today, we are stay home for the day. It is raining still and I spend time with Lenalee making origami. Her primary school teacher is from Kyushu and brought the art with her to show the class. Lenalee likes it and spends the day teaching me to make cranes and Samurai hats. It is enjoyable and Lenalee enjoys showing her big brother how to do things he cannot do. I pat her head and praise her for her knowledge. One day, Lenalee will be a bright girl and will attend university like I do. She will be very adept at whatever course of study she would like to take.

At lunch we make something to eat. I try to sneak in some studying while we eat.

_Brother, what book is that?  
_

_It is a hard book about science._

_Do you like science?_

_Oh, very much so._

_Are you going to be doctor when you finish school?  
_

_Maybe I will be a doctor. Maybe I will not._

_I think you should cook. You good at cooking._

I laugh.

_Thank you, but I like science more than cooking._

It is a relaxing day. Lenalee convinces me to go out into the yard with her and we both crouch under a bamboo umbrella to keep from getting too wet. We have a small garden and Lenalee feeds the koi in our pond some scraps from lunch. They gobble it up and she laughs with delight. I laugh with her until I spot a man standing at our gate. He is in black with an unreadable face. I do not know why he is there and I tell Lenalee to go into the house. But not fast enough. The man lets himself into our garden. There are more men behind him, so I put Lenalee behind me. I can feel her clinging to my robe.

_What can I do for you today, gentlemen_? I ask in English, because they look English to me.

_We are here for Lenalee Lee_. One says

I stare and feel Lenalee tremble behind me. What do they want with her?

_What for?_

_She is compatible with the substance known as Innocence. She must be brought to the Black Order immediately for synchronization._

I knew science, but I do not know what they are talking about.

_You may not have her. She is only a young girl. Leave us now, please thank you._

But they come closer.

_That is not an option. Hand over Lenalee Lee or she will be taken by force._

I can feel Lenalee trembling even more now. I do not want her to be afraid and I want her to run away. These men cannot take her. I will not let them.

_You cannot take her. _I say_. She is very young. Too young. She will stay with me._

One of them hits me. Hard. The bamboo umbrella falls from my hand and clatters to the ground. The sky opens up and the rain hits my body like falling splinters. Lenalee is crying and tugging at my sleeve. I put my arms protectively around her and she clings to me.

_You cannot take her_. I say again.

Something hits the back of my neck and I fall forward. I can feel Lenalee underneath me, hear her crying. She is fighting as people try to take her from me. I do not want to hurt her, but I do not want them to take her and I hold on to her tightly. She does the same. Something strikes my arm and it goes numb. I lose my grip and her warm body is taken from me. I'm on the ground in the rain and it is cold.

_Gei gei! Gei gei! Big brother! Big brother_! She shouts.

I pull myself from the ground. They are almost out of the gate.

_Mei mei! Mei mei_! I will not let them take her.

I am covered with mud and soaking wet. I lost a sandal somewhere in the scuffle. It does not matter. I can see Lenalee over some man's shoulder, clawing and biting and kicking. She is screaming for me. Her eyes are filled with tears. I can tell, even though it is raining. Her long black hair clings to her forehead and her small hand is reaching out toward me.

_Gei gei! _

_Mei mei!_

I run after them. A man in khaki tells me to stop. I refuse. He tells me to stop again and I hit him. That is my sister! It doesn't matter. Something hits me in the solar plexus and I go down. The last thing I hear is Lenalee's voice calling for me, frightened, alone.

_Gei gei!_

_I will not be separated from her._ I tell myself. It is months later. I work hard to try and find where she is. I find out about the place called the Black Order. It is hard to talk to them. Hard to get a job there. I do not care what I have to do, but I will do it. I will not leave my Lenalee alone. I cannot imagine anyone doing anything to soothe her tears or her nightmares. I cannot imagine anyone holding her like I do or telling her stories to calm her fears. I need to be there. Lenalee needs her big brother.

I learned better English. I moved to Europe. The Black Order is within my reach but I cannot reach it. I will do anything for my Lenalee. _Anything_.

I am in someone's bed. Then another. I work my way up. Higher, higher, higher. One bed to another. They blend together, all the same. Their ceilings all the same. I let them do what they will with me. I do not protest. I will do anything for my Lenalee. _Anything_.

_Do you want to see your sister again?_

_Yes._

And I'm under someone else again.

_I can help you see your sister again._

_Please. I'll do anything. _

He was the right one. He got me the job I needed. Head Supervisor of the Science Division at Black Order Headquarters. My first order of business is seeing Lenalee. It is like a nightmare. She is chained to the wall, in a suit that prevents her from moving. Her eyes are black and dead, dull with defeat. She is only ten. Her eyes shouldn't look like that.

_Mei mei. Mei mei, big brother is here._

_Gei gei?_

_It is me. I am here now. I will not leave you. _

_Gei gei…_

She cries and I pat her hair.

_  
Everything will be all right. I promise._

I wish that it didn't get darker from there. Every day was more pain, more suffering, more coffins. Lenalee cries a lot. I wish I could save her from the pain. I wish I didn't have to send her out on missions. I wish I could keep her safe.

One day they bring back more Exorcists that have fallen. Lavi first, then Allen Walker, then Miranda Lotto, then…

_Mei mei…_

Black is not her color, it never has been. She should be in vibrant colors to match her personality. But life is cruel and life was cruel to her. She tried so hard to smile and yet, where did it get her? This time I cannot save her. I cannot do anything for her. I sent her to her death and she comes back to me in a wood coffin. Her eyes are closed in peaceful slumber, her legs no longer wearing the Innocence that shackled her to this world. She is free now.

But I cry for my beloved sister.

**pqpq**

The sun wakes me from my slumber. I'm hunched over my desk. I must have fallen asleep. My coffee is cold from remaining by my elbow all night. I heave a weary sigh and stretch.

"Big brother," says a voice. Lenalee.

I look up and smile at her.

"Good morning, _mei mei_."

She is in black again. _As always_. It is not her color. But at least she is up and alive and walking around, even though she is wearing those boots of Innocence that chain her to this life as an Exorcist. She looks beautiful though. Her smile is my shining light.

"I brought you some coffee," she says, holding up the pot.

"My Lenalee made it with love," I reply and she smiles again.

I will do anything for her. I have done everything for her. But I am selfish. I don't want her to be free from this life now. Because I am here and she is here and we are together. I don't want her leaving me again.

_Ever again, my little sister._

**pqpq**

There's some Komui love for you. Komui and Lavi are my all time favorite characters, which is probably why their chapters are a bit longer than the others. But it was worth it, I think, because I've liked their last two chapters.

Let me know what you think. Lenalee Lee's chapter up next. Drop me a **review** if you liked it.

**Dhampir72**


	6. Lenalee Lee

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

**(TINY) SPOILER WARNING**: Just to let you know that this chapter goes up to current chapters in the manga. It isn't anything big, but just a moment between Komui and Lenalee that is thrown in there.

**pqpq**

Chapter 6: Lenalee Lee

**pqpq**

_Now I lay me down to sleep,  
Pray the lord my soul to keep.  
If I die before I wake,  
Pray the lord my soul to take…_

_Hush little baby, don't say a word,  
And never mind that noise you heard.  
It's just the beast under your bed,  
In your closet… in your head…_

**pqpq**

After my brother and I were reunited, we both became official members of the Catholic Church. It's mandatory, after all, as the Black Order is a sect of the Vatican. All members, including soldiers and those not in the field were converted. I learned many things as a part of the Church, although many of them I did not have to take part in, such as communion and other sacraments, because of my status as an Exorcist. However, I came to believe that maybe there was a God, because my brother and I were back together again after being separated for so long.

I learned a prayer that I would say every night before I went to bed. "_Now I lay me down to sleep, pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take_." Big brother didn't like me to say it, but I would. I didn't understand what the words meant. It didn't make sense to my small mind at the time that it was God's organization that had taken me away from my beloved brother and kept me prisoner. All I knew was that it was God's organization that brought us together again. I didn't mind praying, until I knew the truth.

Then I stopped praying.

The truth made me stop and realize exactly how cruel people could be, even those fighting on the side of good. They made me stop praying. Things I saw, that I shouldn't have. Things that I had to do, that I didn't want to do. Things that I heard, that I shouldn't have heard. Everything was bad, horrifying, terrible.

And it was always at night.

**pqpq**

_You will do the experiment again_ the voice says.

I am wandering the hallways when I hear this. I cannot sleep. I wander. Always barefoot. Shoes make too much noise.

_But his body might not be able to take_ it argues another voice.

_You will do the experiment again_ the first voice says without seeming to listen.

_This boy may not live. He could be paralyzed or brain dead._

_It does not matter. It must work. He is the direct descendent of an Exorcist. The Innocence must accept him as an accommodator_.

_But…it does not resonate with him._

I go to the door where I hear the voices come from. There are men there, all standing around in white coats. They don't see me. And they don't seem to notice the figure in the chair that they stand around. It is a little boy, with sad, dull eyes. He stares blankly at nothing with a pale face that seems to glow with sickness.

_You will have Hevlaska do the experiment again._

_But—_

_Do not argue. It must be done._

_But, Sir, in all honesty I don't think—_

_It must be done. It is the only way we will win this war. We need more Exorcists or the Earl will win. We cannot let that happen._

_I understand that, Sir, but—_

_But nothing. If you understand so well, then you should understand what we are doing here is for the cause: for the Church._

_Yes, sir..._

The boy sitting in the chair sees me standing there. I am standing, looking in through the crack as quietly as I can. He looks resigned to his fate. He knows that he is going to die. And he just looks at me. His fingers twitch slightly. Maybe the corners of his lips do too. I am frozen still with terror for this boy whose name I do not know.

_Take him now. Do it again before morning._

_Come now, son. Don't be afraid. God is with you_.

The scientists part the way and lead the boy away. A door opens to bright light. He looks even more pale and transparent than ever. Before disappearing into the brightness he tilts his head slightly to look at me. He smiles and his thin hand raises ever-so-slightly to wave at me. _Don't worry_ he seems to say, bravely despite his inevitable death. The men are too busy talking to notice.

They take him away. I am crying quietly, trying not to get caught. But the door swings open and a man cast entirely in shadow is standing over me, his eyes like glowing pits to hell. I am frightened and scream and run away, trying to leave the image of the boy and that room and what they were discussing all behind.

But suddenly I'm a few years older and I'm kneeling beside one of the many coffins at the Order. My IV stand rattles as I cry over the casket of yet another friend who has died. My wounds hurt, but I can think nothing of them or the pain in my legs where I had pushed my own Innocence too hard. I just sit on the cold floor and cry for them, the people who did not deserve to die, much like the boy I can barely remember.

Then I'm older still and I watch as Suman Dark falls into Fault. _How, how could this happen again? Why would this happen? I don't understand, I don't understand_. Suman is falling and Allen rushes to help him. I cannot grab his coat fast enough. I feel he will never come back to me and yet I can't reach him and he is gone.

Suddenly I am in the middle of a clearing, kneeling again on my knees amongst blood that certainly belongs to Allen. _He's gone, he's gone_. Lavi's warm hand on my shoulder does nothing to stop my tears.

Then I'm falling into the ocean. I can feel the weight of the world pushing down on me, down into the depths of the ocean. It's dark and reminds me of the Order back when I was chained to the walls in that small room, calling, calling, calling for someone to come hold me and calm my fears. No one came. No one came for a long time until my brother walked in that day and told me he was there and that we were together again.

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry_, I can only think as I sink further and further into the water. That little boy's face is in front of mine again. The friends whom I've lost over the years. The people I don't want to leave behind…Allen, Lavi, Kanda, Reever, Johnny, Jeryy…

_Gei gei_.

_I'm sorry_…

I'm inside a crystal. My legs are free, but I am trapped. My Innocence is keeping me inside. _Am I the heart_? I don't know. I don't know, but _let me out my friends need me so much right now_! They're fighting and I'm not doing anything at all.

I'm on the other side of the door that Brother is talking to me through. _Please be safe. I need to know you're going to be safe._

_No, Brother, don't leave. _

I sink to the floor and cry. There has to be something I can do. Anything I can do.

_You are our only hope._

_Don't leave._

_You must be safe._

_Don't leave…_

_I will protect you._

_Brother, don't go…_

_My little sister, I promised I'd protect you._

_I…_

_Please, stay here._

His footsteps echo away.

_Don't go. Don't go. Don't leave me!_

My legs won't move.

_Please don't go. _

He doesn't come back and I fall into the darkness where I can feel hands pulling at me and touching me, dragging me down into the black abyss where the Earl is above me, laughing as he tears me apart. I scream and scream and scream, but no one can hear me. No one comes for me. I can't fight. I can't breathe. The Earl keeps grinning. His hand touches my chest.

_Now, my sweet. Show me the deepest depths of your heart_.

His hand plunges into my chest and I am frozen still when he rips the still beating organ from my chest cavity. Blood drips from my mouth and he grins wickedly.

_Aren't you going to cry, my sweet? Doesn't it hurt?_

But I don't feel anything, my life slipping away. How am I still conscious? That boy's face comes to mind again. And Suman. And Allen. And Lavi. And Kanda. And all of my friends. I can hear my brother's voice telling me he wants to keep me safe. I want to cry, but I cannot. I don't think I should.

_Doesn't it hurt? To know you lost?  
_

_No…_

_You've lost._

_No…_

_The battle is over. You can rest now, darling._

_No…not yet…_

He squeezes my heart and it bursts, spraying blood everywhere. The demons around me lick it up off my flesh. In between his two fingers he holds a small glowing cube. It glows so brightly…

_Yes. Now. You have lost._

He crushes the cube.

_Gei gei…_

And then I finally die.

**pqpq**

I shoot up out of bed, panting, clutching at my sweating chest. A dream. A horrible dream. I try not to throw up and barely manage it. I drink some water to stave off that sick feeling in my stomach. I am all right. Although the little boy and Suman are no longer here, everyone else is. Brother still is. I will be all right.

I get dressed and go to make coffee. I bring a fresh cup to my brother. He is happy to see me and I am happy to see him. I run into Lavi and Kanda on my way to breakfast. I am glad they are here. I am glad they are alive. I'm glad that I'm alive.

"Good morning!" I say to them.

Lavi returns it cheerfully, although he looks as tired as I feel. Kanda the same way. Maybe we're all just getting tired of this war. I shudder, thinking about the Earl. I cannot let him win. I touch my short hair awkwardly just thinking such depressing thoughts in front of them.

Luckily for me, Brother is getting into trouble again so there isn't much to worry about. I go off to destroy another Komurin and to admonish my brother, but not horribly so. I'm glad he's here. _I'm glad I'm here_. Lavi is annoying Kanda and Kanda looks like he wants to hurt Lavi so I go over there and make sure that they play nicely. Fighting between friends shouldn't happen, but I know that they are just kidding, although Kanda might not seem like he's doing that most of the time.

Allen appears, looking tired as the rest of us, but we all exchange good morning's minus Kanda. I'm so happy we're all here. Because we're going to win. I don't look at Rouvelier or Howard, but instead at my brother, who's scratching the back of his head sheepishly beside his broken invention. Things were getting back to normal. Gei gei smiles at me and I smile back.

_We're going to win, no matter what._

**pqpq**

There you go, some positive thinking from Lenalee. Have you ever had a nightmare that actually made you have a positive or determined outlook on life? I sure have, but they normally have to do with Zombie Wars, so anything besides that is rather cheerful.

Hope you enjoyed! Drop me a **review** if you did! Miranda Lotto's chapter coming up next!

**Dhampir72**


	7. Miranda Lotto

**Disclaimer**: I don't own D. Gray-Man, nor do I own the song that is featured at the beginning of every chapter, which belongs to Metallica (Enter Sandman).

**pqpq**

Chapter 7: Miranda Lotto

**pqpq**

_Exit light  
Enter night  
Grain of sand…_

_Exit light  
Enter night  
Take my hand;  
We're off to Never Never land_

**pqpq**

I don't sleep very much. I can't. I'm too worried about so many different things. I don't need to sleep. I can do without it. I really can, it's no problem. I can go for days and days without sleep. I really can, honestly…

**pqpq**

The clock is ticking, ticking, ticking. I sit in my room and stare at the floor, then at the wall. There is a picture there. I count the ridges on the frame. Fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three…I just keep counting until I find out that there are exactly five hundred and thirty-nine rides on the outer border of the frame. Strange that it's an odd number…Then comes the inner. I begin to count.

I can't sleep, it's hard to. I don't know why I can't, but it's like I don't need to anymore. Maybe from living in the Rewinding City for so long, I gained enough sleep to last me a while. That's all right. While everyone is sleeping, I can entertain myself. I don't need anything, really. I don't need anything at all; I won't bother anyone with my problems. I'm all right.

I don't want to ask Lavi or Bookman for something to read. I don't want to be a burden, so I don't ask. Never ask for anything or else people get tired of you…And when people get tired of you, then they learn to hate you and then they don't want any part of you. I don't want that to happen. I like these people too much. Maybe, just maybe they like me too…?

_Miranda, Miranda. No-luck, Miranda! You're worthless, they say! Are you going to find a job today? You'll just get fired anyway! Miranda, Miranda, No-luck, Miranda…_

I might have nodded off around the one thousandth twenty-fourth inside ridge. Actually, I think I did. I haven't slept in four days. I've gone longer before, but I can't seem to help it. I'm not quite sure why…

I'm back in my flat, saddened after another day of not being able to find a job that won't fire me. I lost my fortieth (or maybe the forty-first, I'm not sure) job today. I cry. I can't do anything right. Nothing, nothing will ever be right.

As I pity myself, I fix the dolls and stuffed animals that have been discarded. I walked the streets in a lonely, angst-ridden state and picked them up on my way home. They've all been thrown away because they don't work, or have already served their purpose. Why would someone just get rid of them? All a person had to do was spend the time to make them better, fix them back to their original states. Once that happened, they would be usable again. People would want them.

If only it was that easy for someone like me.

I sew and sew and sew until my fingers are raw and bleeding. But the dolls and animals are perfect again. People won't need to throw them away anymore. They have purpose. They are needed. If they have purpose and are needed, then no one would_ have to_ throw them away.

In the dead of night, I bring the toys to the firehouse. I leave the box on the doorstep. Somehow, they could be of some use to someone. I hope. I pray that they are. It gives me hope for myself. A shining glimmer of hope in my otherwise bleak existence.

I sit in the corner back in my flat. No one will ever hire me. No one will ever be my friend. _Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick…_I'm No-luck Miranda, what should I expect? I don't remember that I fall asleep, all I remember is crying for a long time.

When I wake again, it is dark. The clock is still ticking. Ticking, ticking, ticking. I sit up and look around. Sitting at my desk chair is a woman with her back to me. Her hair is in brunette ringlets. She wears a long gown, floor length in maroon and black. Her hair and dress are beautiful. But I don't know why she's here. I look at the clock. Why is someone here this late?

_Excuse me, miss. _

She turns around. Her eyes are missing, blood streaming down her cheeks. She has no lower lip either. It's so awful, but I can't look away. She holds out her gloved hands to me, displaying the missing pieces from her face.

_Fix me_ she breathes.

_What?_

A needle and thread appear next to me.

_Fix me_ she says again.

_But this is for stuffed animals, not for people. You should see a doctor._

She comes over to me, gliding along the floor like some otherworldly being. Maybe she is. She kneels before me, her gown splaying out around her. I try not to look at the empty sockets before me, or the way I can see her teeth through the gap left by her missing lower lip. I try not to be disgusted. She needs me. She needs me, the only person who will help her.

_Fix me._

I thread the needle and set to work. It is really meant for crafts, not for skin. I worry that I am hurting her, but she does not flinch. The lower lip was easy to sew back on. I used an invisible stitch so you wouldn't even see it. After a while, it was easy to ignore the strange feeling of sewing into flesh and blood and having it drip down on my fingers and onto her dress and onto my dress too.

_Better?_

_Yes_. _Fix me…_

The eyes come next. I have no idea how I can sew eyes back into a person. I knot my thread and do my best. Really, you would think that the eyes would be squishy and might pop when pierced, but these aren't and I sew them in as neatly as possible. She has lovely chocolate eyes.

_All done_.

She touches her face carefully, ever-so-gently. Then she brings a handkerchief to her cheeks and wipes the blood away. She is so beautiful now, almost like a doll. You can't even see the stitches.

_Thank you..._

Tears fall from her eyes, real tears that cling to her black lashes like beads of dew.

_You're welcome_.

And I look at her, really look at her for the first time. She is beautiful, that is true, but there's something familiar about her, though I doubt I've ever met her before. _Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock…_

I wake up and I'm alone, curled up on the floor beside my sewing box, my fingers still stinging from the recent abuse. The clock reads some early hour of the morning and I sit up stiffly. Dragging myself over to the washbasin, I soak my hands in some cool water and glance up at myself in the mirror.

She is staring back at me. It is only then that I can see the smooth bone structure of her jaw and cheeks and the way the nose is shaped and the lips and the color of the eyes and hair exactly. _She_ is _me_ only healthier, prettier…

Out of the looking glass her hand reaches toward me to touch my cheek, just as gently and carefully as she had done to her own face after I had sewn her back together. Her eyes were searching mine. Beautiful. _Am I beautiful?_ I wonder.

_You are beautiful, Miranda_.

_But I'm…no one will ever…_

_You are beautiful._

_No one will want me._

_Why not?_

_Why would anyone want me, No-Luck Miranda? I'm broken, I'm deficient, I'm incapable. I'm not sociable, I'm not pretty, I'm not anything anyone would ever look for in a person. I'm paranoid, I'm crazy, I'm useless, no one would want me…I am irreparable._

_Nothing is ever too broken to fix. Nothing is ever irreparable._

A needle and thread appear beside me again.

_You can fix yourself, Miranda. Look what you did for me_.

I pick up the needle and look at it and then back at the mirror. She is gone from my reflection and I stare back at myself. There are bags under my dull eyes, my hair hangs limp around my face from where it had tumbled from my bun in the night. My lips are unsmiling, my face nothing special. A hand touches mine and she is behind me. One of her ringlets falls over my shoulder as she leans in to whisper in my ear.

_Fix yourself, Miranda. Give yourself purpose. Make someone want you_.

Needle and thread in my hand, I set to work.

**pqpq**

I wake in the morning, at least I think it's morning because there's light everywhere inside my room. I sit up and glare at the picture frame on the wall; I can't believe I lost count before falling asleep. But I don't really mind all that much as I get ready for the day, putting on my Exorcist coat. _Purpose_ I think as I secure my very first friend on my person. I can almost hear the faint _tick, tock, tick, tock, tick…_

I don't bother to look at my reflection on the way out of my room, carelessly running my gloved fingers through my hair that hangs naturally around my face. Closing the door behind me, I run directly into someone passing by my dormitory.

"I-I-I'm so sorry!" I cry out with several apologetic bows.

I hope that it isn't Kanda-san, who's never been mean to me, but always looks angry. I don't like his intimidating face looking down on me because it makes me feel terrible inside. A hand comes to rest on my shoulder kindly. Not Allen-kindly or Lenalee-kindly or even Lavi-kindly.

"It's all right, Miranda."

The way my name is said makes my face heat up. _Make someone want you_. I look up and it's Noise Marie standing there with his hand on my shoulder and his face so kind and gentle toward me that I can't help it.

I smile and he blushes.

_Make someone want you_.

I think I did.

**pqpq**

Some Miranda for you. Her chapter was hard to write, but I really like her, so I figured she deserved her own chapter! **The final chapter is next**.

Please leave a **review** if you liked (or were disturbed).

**Dhampir72**


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